So i can finally call myself an artist! I think its customary for all artists to go through a period of depression in their lives and now i can join the band of depressing, emo artist and poets who write about love, life, death, heart break and emotions.

Being psychoanalysed was one of the strangest experiences of my life, telling a complete stranger how you feel is really difficult and i can tell you now that a best friend is worth a hundred therapists and anti depressants they try to ram down your throat - which don't work by the way. numb is almost as bad as the fucking pain so what's the point. yes it stops you topping yourself but it doesn't give you any kind of decent life.

Time to try something else me thinks. maybe depressing poetry, scraps and photos is the way forward. i understand now the way your pen burns as you write and they way your hand shakes under the lens because you have to write, you have to photograph to try and empty your feelings onto a page so they stop burning you, so you can stop shaking.

Its interesting what this has done to me. really. if i was studing myself in a clinical study i would be facinated. i used to be one of the loving, feeling people and now i'm just empty. i think i know now what he meant when he said he doesn't really feel anything. You've made me like you - something i've always wanted to understand but i suppose it happened a little to late.

so anyway back to this artist thing. while i've got all these raw emotions i've been using them to create poetry and photos, all but 1 of which i haven't submitted, because i think people would worry about me and i'm fine. really i am. i'm numb now. nothing to look forward to, everything to be scared of but i just don't care. i know i'll be living with this for a long time so i may as well get on with it and create out of it.

I'm an artist now and an actress.